Trust, the Solution to many Common Marriage Problems
One of the common marriage problems that pops up time and time again is the lack of trust in a relationship.
Lack of trust is a common marriage problem which is often driven from insecurity or previous actions. Trust has to be cultivated, nurtured and built over time and develops as a result of knowing that you can trust one another. As the saying goes ‘the proof is in the eating’.
Like many of the other most common marriage problems partners can learn to cultivate trust in the marriage purely through learning respect for each other and understanding the actions necessary to build or re-build trust.
With newly weds the level of trust that exists upon entering into marriage largely depends of the length of time they have known each other prior to the marriage and the extent of that relationship. Couples that have lived together for example might trust each other more when they are first married than those that have not or a couple that have married after a very short relationship.
Trust sometimes exists in any event, especially when both partners are of a calm, natural, dependable and perceivably honest nature. If you never let people down and are ‘what it says on the tin’ you are more likely to be trusted in the very early stages of a relationship.
There are many reasons for the lack of trust that either exists at the outset or develops over time. Partners may just need to learn that they can trust each other and build that trust over time but lack of trust is one of those common marriage problems that can develop in a marriage as a result of issues such as abuse, financial problems, drug or alcohol abuse, infidelity or the sheer fact that a partner never does what they say they are going to do.
My opinion on trust is deep rooted and I strongly feel that a marriage is not complete unless you can trust your partner.
If you are lacking trust in your relationship you first need to understand why that lack of trust exists. What is it about your partner that you don’t trust and why do you feel that the lack of trust developed in the first place?
If your partner just never does what they say they are going to do now is the time to explain to them how there actions are developing this feeling of lack of trust. Broach the subject at a time when neither of you can be distracted by anything else, don’t quarrel, don’t get angry, just explain how you feel and then ask your partner to help develop a plan that you can both feel comfortable with which will form the foundation from which you can re-build the trust.
If your lack of trust has developed through physical or mental abuse then move out now (or ask them to leave). Move out and don’t go back until such point your partner has sought and received the help they need and you feel comfortable moving back in to the marital home. No one and I mean no one deserves to be abused, not for any reason!
Infidelity is a difficult one and often comes down to ‘do you still love each other’ and do you want to re-build the marriage. If you do, it is possible to re-build that trust and save the marriage but over time and with effort from both sides.
For issues such as drugs, alcohol and gambling you need to seek professional advice. Trust cannot be rebuilt while the underlying problem still exists.
What is most important is that you are totally honest with each other. With honesty comes trust. Even if you are being dishonest to try and protect your partner, your partner won’t necessarily see it from your point of view. People can learn to deal with what they know but secrets are a real relationship killer.
Author: Terry Ross